Parker’s echo is at 12:30 and I won’t be there. Nope. My stress levels just don’t have the extra room for this appointment. The handfuls of hair I lose when I’m over my anxiety limit is letting me know that I need to pull back some……or a lot.
So I did what any giant, lily livered coward would do in a situation like this.
I begged my oldest son to go with Reed up to Primary’s for the echo and appointment with the cardiologist.
Nope, it won’t change the outcome of anything. But it saves me from having to sit in a dark room watching the computer screen and knowing what I know about the test results that pop up in living color screaming to all the world (or at least me and the echo tech) just how bad of a prognosis Parker may be facing.
It is simply too hard on my heart and causes my already sky high blood pressure to pound audibly in my ears.
So I’m staying home and sending up my boys.
And praying. Lots and lots of praying that the decision to place a trach in my youngest and teeniest child’s neck was the right one.
Because I simply don’t know what I will do if it wasn’t.
Tammy – I’m still praying – have been praying – will be praying – for both Parker’s healing and your sanity.
Let me remind you – placing an trach was reported by several doctors to be Parker’s best chance for recovery. You didn’t go out on your own and say, “Hey – put a hole in my kid. That will help.” This was highly, highly recommended by some of the best doctors in your area.
So, if it works, Hallelujah!
And if it doesn’t, you’ll accept that it wasn’t a bad decision and ask what else might be possible to help Parker. And you’ll go on and see what’s ahead, knowing that God gives grace for today – and it does that every single day.
Today – enjoy your little vacation from being a combination RN/RT and do something for you. Relax a little. If I could take you to Starbucks, I would.
We’ll have your family in our prayers.
You won a prize from the cyber shower. Please email me.
Lots of hugs and prayers coming your way!
I’m continuing prayers for Parker and the family. You’re no coward. You’re truly one of the bravest women I could name…you stare down fear daily and rise to be a magnificent mom and person.
Prayers and hugs always. Especially for good results today.
Twitter: livingingrace
says:
Ah, sweetie. Praying for all of you. And sometimes, we do just have to take a step back for our own good.
Parker is not as teeny as he used to be. He’s getting stronger all the time.
Good for you for sending your boys. Boys day out. Prayers going out.
Praying with you, Tammy. Lots and lots of praying.
Im praying with you Tammy!
hey now…you can only do the best you can do on any given day. The Docs couldnt do YOUR job, and you dont do theirs. They told you this was best. You have to make the best decision you can make based on the information you have at the time. No second guessing allowed. We, too, are Praying For Parker. And wishing you peace.
Twitter: nehimomma
says:
We;ll keep praying. Maybe you should ask for some xanax before they give you results.
Hugs and prayers. Love you friend.
A coward you’re not. A wonderful mom, that’s you. Prayers continue for those good numbers
Prayers coming your way for good results and less stress for you. One of the best things I have heard last weekend during conference is the instruction to pray that our abilities will be equal to the tasks set before us and not that our tasks will be equal to our abilities. You are stronger than you know.
Oh Tammy, I am crying right now. You are the most wonderful, loving, caring mom. I am praying fo you all. I would be just like you and wouldnt have been able to go. I am sure it is so hard and I am so so sorry. Parker has a very special place in my heart since I accidentally stumbled upon this site. The first thing I do when I get up is check and see how you all are. I have all of my family and friends praying for you all. Please dont feel guilty! You are just trying to do what is best for you all. God Bless You!! Much love to Parker and hugs and prayers to you all!
Amy
Praying and praying.
Oh Tammy! You are NOT a coward! Don’t be so hard on yourself! After all you’ve been through w/Parker’s medical issues no one would blame you! I get stressed out about Kayla having a 15 min surger for ear tubes and dread doing that by myself! I hope it all went well today and that the tests were good results!
I thought I was the only one that lost handfuls of hair! It started the day that my son was admitted to the hospital and never stopped. Parker is the most darling boy. I left you a comment but it was to one of your blogs a while back, but I just left it the other day. I am praying for Parker. You are one truly amazing woman!! What a tremendous family you have! Do not sweat the fact that you relied on the physicians to tell you what is best. That’s what they were all begging my husband and I to do. Sometimes you wonder, but know God has a plan, and we will never know until that time comes for it to be revealed what He has in store. Just remember that you are awesome, you know your limits, you love your family and you love your son, you are doing the best with what is thrown your way, and that is to be commended. Prayers are with you! Much love, The Hardings
Hi Tammy~
I found your website for Parker through other peoples links after doing a search for DS. My nephew Conner was just born 9/23 and was diagnosed with DS. Knowing nothing about this, I began searching my way around the internet for information. I made my own blog dedicated to Conner and hope that my sister will soon join in when she gets internet at home. He is still in the hospital but may be home thursday.
I have read various posts from you and learned many things, thank you for creating your blog for Parker. I understand the condition alot more, due to the creation of many parents wanting to get their story out there.
I occasionally buy items off of ebay, and would like to know your Id so I can help contribute in some way to the caring of Parker. As a mother of 5, I understand the financial issues
I hope not to offend in asking though.
I applaud you for being a wonderful mother and being able to handle all that your family has went through. My Prayers are with you family.