Some people chose to fight for inclusion for their kid with special needs.
Me? I’ve chosen to home school Parker.
Some aren’t able to keep up with new bills being presented that effect the life of someone they know with special needs.
Me?
Underhanded Legislator?
Lemme at ‘em.
One issue that parents of children with special needs hang out on both ends of the spectrum on?
The use of the word ‘retard’.
Guess which end of the spectrum I call home?
Because, really.
It’s such a teeny little thing that could bring such a huge change.
Retiring this word to the obsolete pile…
Can you imagine?
Many use the argument that they don’t mean any offense when they use it.
Um. Excuse me?
Cause much of the time when I hear someone throw out this word, they ain’t doing it with lots of love in their hearts, iykwim.
The unintential argument simply doesn’t do it for me.
I take issue to using the word retarded as a synonym for something stupid, etc.
(And I’m not the only one.)
Even when it is done by famous authors.  Whether they intend it to be malicious or not. (I wonder if this author might be willing to request this word be removed from any subsequent runs of his book.)
You use this word around your kids. This gives your kids the idea that it is okay to use themselves. Your speech sets the framework for your ideas…and your kids’ ideas.
And quite frankly, in this situation especially, the leap from idea to action ain’t all that wide.
My kid is not stupid. He’s a little boy that wakes up each and every day to take on the world with dignity, in his own way and in his own time.
Such a small thing, this asking people to refrain from using one word.
Yet doing so creates such dignity……..for us all.
great post Tammy and thanks for pointing out that not using it creates dignity for the speaker as well.
Twitter: MommaHopeful
says:
*Cheering* *whistling* *singing praises* *crying!*
the word causes every hair on my neck and arms to bristle. There is no sense to it. And yet, people throw it around constantly…
preach it sister.
I teach kindergarten. I had a telephone conference with a parent this morning. She actually told me that the reason was didn’t try to help her daughter was because she was “retarded’ just like her Dad. That he was always in the ‘retarded’ classes at school.
I tried explaining to her what her daughters’ strengths weaknesses are and begged her to come in for a conference. She said she’s coming Friday but she’s missed every one so far.
I think we don’t understand our own ignorance sometimes. Have I said that word before? Yes. Will I say it ever again, NO! In cases like this ignorance isn’t bliss…it devalues my character and it isn’t a good example for my kids.
So I apologize to you and to Parker and to those who are in a similar situation and to whomever I have used that word around…it’s not a common word for me to say, but you better believe I’ll think twice before I say it ever again!
Thanks for the awesome post!
http://r-word.org/ is not my site, so not plugging but it is a site about this issue. Completely agree with you, it should never be used, it is so negative. Jen.
Hi Tammy~
I totally agree that this word is used offensively, even if not everyone uses it as just a form of “slang”. I do have a question tho….I’m 40, and when I was younger, it was proper and acceptable to say that a person was mentally retarted, and it was in no way meant as an insult or used as such. My question is, what are the current non-offensive ways that a person can talk about the special needs of another person? I have two friends that have talked about their children being developmentally delayed-is this another proper term, along with special needs?
I would really like to know, because I make efforts to try to not offend people, and knowing what is proper will be helpful to me, if ever I encounter a person who has a child/sibling/etc. with special needs.
Thanks!
Ok. I will admit. This is a word I use frequently. Yep. Almost Everyday. And yes, I do apply it to mean something or someone that is stupid. BUT in my own defense!!!!! I don’t think it is a word that should apply to a child, or any person for that matter, that has special needs or has any handicap at all. I know that people use it as derogatory slander. I know that. And just like most things in life, that is cruel and unfair. I worked with special needs children, teens, and young adults for 3 years and I WOULD NEVER apply that word to them. They are beautiful. They are blessings. They are PERFECT in their individual way and I firmly believe that GOD made them that way for a reason!!!!
So if we pass on the street and I happen to let that word slip, please know that I am the stupid one!!!
Wouldn’t it be awesome if subsequent printings of his book had it removed? So many kids read his books – it would be great if there was even a little blurb about how it was taken out. Did you get him a visit with Parker like you wanted?
I retweeted you and then quoted your “My kid is not stupid” paragraph. I want that on a shirt, emblazoned on a banner and tattooed on my forehead for everyone who looks at me to see.
PS – I got your email. I’m thinking.
Every parent knows that their children pick up the things they say and do and that behavior sticks and is nearly irreversible.
It is sad really and I am fairly certain that people do not use that term with malice. Well not grown people. They just don’t think.
Sage,
I agree that for the most part, grown people don’t use this word with malice.
I don’t for a minute believe that Mr. Mull intended to be offensive when he used this word in one of his books.
But that is kind of my point. The damage of this word sticks, regardless of it’s user’s intent.
Can you imagine the impression a favorite author could make on a kid if they publicly chose to take the pledge to end the ‘r-word?’
I’m not sure if people will believe me when I say this, but I felt the same way about this word way before Parker was born. Ask my kids.
And obviously nothing in the last 5+ years has come along to change my mind. ;D
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
AGREED. I used to work with a special needs child. (He was actually 17 and only a few years younger than me) He was one of the smartest, most amazing people I have ever met. Funny thing is, when I was 14 his mom was my teacher. I remember one time in her class I used the “R” word. She became very defensive and got onto me in front of the entire class. I was so embarassed. Then I thought about it. I should have been embarassed. Why did I say that? I can tell you this though, I haven’t said it since. A few years later, after I graduated high school, I started working for a company that helps teach special needs individuals living, working, and social skills. That’s when I was blessed to work with Eli. Crazy how things work out though. Just to add – I feel the same way about the word “gay” used in the wrong context. Ugh. People are ignorant.
You say it so beautifully.
Dignity. Yes. That’s what every human being strives for and what every human being deserves.
I couldn’t agree more!
Not only do our special children wake up to greet the world with dignity, everything they do requires SO much more effort, determination, and perseverance, and they usually do it all with a SMILE on their faces. They should not be subjected to words which belittle them or their struggle to live.
When I was pregnant with our daughter, we had to undergo some testing for fetal abnormalities. We had to wait over a weekend for results. At some point over the weekend my husband used the r-word (making fun of me over something) and our eyes just met and I ran because I thought I would throw-up and I bawled and I couldn’t even look at him. He had the same reaction at his own word-disgust. It’s funny how prior to that, the word bothered me, but I had never tasted it, I didn’t know a word could cause such a reaction.
Sadly, growing up, this word was used in our house without though or care. It wasn’t until my early adult years that I began to realize and see the hurt that this word causes. I do not allow my children to say it, and will be quick to say something to someone that does use it in a way that is rude or hurtful. There is definitely not enough attention brought to this subject. Another great post!!
That word has been used so often at the Sunday dinner table. The last time I had to grit my teeth and I put my head down and thought if you ONLY knew. These same people made fun of Short buses AND another person joined in. I was sickened. Tyler doesn’t have Down Syndrome in which the word is usually used most often. It still SICKENS me. Sickens me A LOT! I feel sad when people don’t realize that these kids work SO hard to be who they are. They didn’t ask for it. And most WOULD change that it isn’t hard. I would change that it is hard for him. I would change that people are ignorant and use “THAT” word.