Our family’s religion teaches that each one of us came to earth with a purpose. And each purpose is as unique as the fingerprint of it’s owner.
I don’t believe in mistakes. I don’t believe that during the critical time of Parker’s in utero cell division that God was too busy elsewhere and, *opps!*, that 21st chromosome was replicated in triplicate instead of simply duplicate.
I believe that the extra chromosome embedded in Parker’s mortal cellular make-up was known in heaven even before Parker’s birth.
I believe that Parker, and others who live with disabilities, were given a special mission or purpose in mortality because of the greatness of their souls before they came to earth. They had already learned many of the things most of us are sent here to figure out. So they needed a different plan and blueprint of experiences.
I believe that Parker’s purpose is to teach. To lead by example. And to help make the path for those with disabilities who come after him easier. I’m quite sure that there are other things that I’m not aware of yet that Parker himself will make known as he grows.
I also believe that Parker is responsible for his own progression and learning as far as he is capable. An extra chromosome doesn’t exclude you from your own personal progression and responsibilities.
It then never fails to bewilder me when people express their sympathy and especially pity that Parker was born with Down syndrome. More so when those feelings are expressed by others who believe the same gospel principals as our family does.
Perhaps there are those who have forgotten that Christ taught that the blind man wasn’t given his disability as a punishment (nor did he identify it as a mistake of nature) but as a way for the works of God to be manifested. (John 9:1-3)
I’m gonna let you in on a secret here. While I don’t feel like I was a bad person before I had Parker, I do feel like I am a much better person now. My priorities are in better order. My understanding of what is truly important has never been keener. My heart never more full of joy. The gift I see in the opportunity I have to be the mother of a child with Down syndrome never ceases to bring great wonder to my heart.
Yeah. You read me right. The opportunity. The joy. The gift.
The reality is that our family feels kinda sorry for those who don’t have the understanding of the blessing Parker is in our lives. I know. It is right about now that you are really rolling your eyes. And you are telling yourself, “Yeah. But, like, what else is she going to say?” I know because I once was where you are. Listening to a friend tell me how blessed she was for her child with Down syndrome.
Quite simply, our lives are blessed as we learn lessons from those whose disabilities, innocence and humility invite the Spirit. They teach us a new dimension of faith, courage, patience, love, and individual worth.
Now I won’t go as far as to say that I am thankful for Parker’s health issues or for our nightmarish financial situation because of the never ending medical bills.
But each time someone donates to Parker’s medical fund, in whatever form, it makes my spirit soar. Because each donation made, each prayer said, reaffirms that there are others out there that believe in Parker. In his worth as a human being. In the worth of his potential. That is indeed a blessing.
So when the good weather gets here and you see me and my kid out for a stroll please come up and say hello. But don’t feel sorry for that extra chromosome. It is one of many, many things that makes Parker…….Parker. And we are thrilled with him just the way he is.
And remember, first and foremost, Parker is a kid. Entrusted with a life plan uniquely his.
Just the way it was meant to be.
Well, Parker has blessed our family.
Rebecca,
It isn\’t compassion so much that I\’m trying to speak to here. I guess I haven\’t done a good job of articulating it.
It is more of the, \’poor, poor you for having a baby like that.\’
The people who can\’t see the potential for the chromosome, if that makes any sense.
Compassion is something totally different. It is a feeling of love. At least in my mind\’s eye.
I hope I have confused you further.
Wiz: Parky Smooches coming your way…..always.
Tonya: Thanks for your friendship.
I agree with you completely. We only got the joy of caring for our first bookworm for five and a half years – and every day was worth it. He spoke to so many people without ever saying a word. A smile from him always brought smiles from everyone else in the room – no matter what room we were in or how grumpy the people were. He taught me far more than I taught him – or ever could if we had both lived to be 100.
When God made him – with his weird mitochondria – He did so with a purpose – and #1 accomplished his purpose in only five years and now is running through the streets and fields of heaven. I’m so excited to see that – and yet I am also thrilled to watch Bookworms 2-4 and marvel at how perfectly their bodies function.
It’s quite a different perspective.
Beautifully expressed! I completely understand what you are saying, and it is based all on ignorance, the feeling that other people have who would say such things. The real pity is that in all you try to express, people are the way they are and until they experience the super joy, gift and uniqueness themselves, alot of times they just are not capable of understanding. It’s hurtful, and for that I am sorry for your experience with those unthoughtful people who feel it their “duty” to express their “sympathies”. Your Parker is truly amazing. I especially like the part where you expressed your thought on him having already had a spirit more developed than the rest of us. SO TRUE! He has a LOT to teach the world. So glad you have this blog!!
I think that people’s misplaced compassion isn’t cruelly meant, but I know exactly what you’re saying – each person is a unique blessing.
Thanks for visiting my blog.
Your post here is similar to the one I have on my Nov. 18, 2007 post. If we truly believe our Lord is the sovereign God that He is, nothing can slip by Him as an accident, therefore everything is for a purpose in the maturing process. I once heard that when we have a trial it is usually more for the growth of those around us, than for ourselves. Our son Stephen has also touched so many lives around him in different ways. Especially his parents. He is fulfilling his purpose.
Tammy, I do not have a child with DS or any type of disability, so I do not know what you and your family work through on a daily basis.
One thing I do know though is that I love Parker. That little man has been a blessing to me and my husband (I share the posts with him), and I have never met the little one. He shows determination, love, compassion, and the spirit of the Lord. There is no denying that.
I know that when I am having a bad day, I can click on this blog and look at how cute Parker is, and my mood turns for the better. I can see how he struggles, and my woes are insignificant. He is God’s work at his finest!
Thanks!
Much love and God Bless!
Kay
Well put Tammy!
Beautiful post. You continue to be an inspiration to me. I wish I had just half of your faith and resolve. I absolutely agree with you about our children being our teachers. Having a child with Down syndrome, has taught me so much about life, love and about myself, some of these lessons were hard, but necessary to learn. Having a child with a disability opens your eyes and heart in a way that is hard to explain to someone who doesn’t share the experience. With this heightened vision, I find the joy is more poignant, but sometimes so is the pain and at those times, I wish that extra chromosome were gone. What a gift though to appreciate the many facets of life so fully. I will continue to pray for you and Parker; health and happiness for you and your family.
Tammy,
My nephew has Partial Trisomy 16 (which according to the geneticist was a death sentence–he just turned 3 last week). That said, he has alot of “downs” features, and people take notice wherever we go. What you said was beautifully expressed. Parker indeed is a lucky lil guy to have such a great family! I am going to have to start my own blog to write about a conversation I had with a 15 year old about the word “retard”. It’s like nails on a chalk board to me, and thrown around so much in todays youth.
Tiffany
Tammy your writing is so beautiful. You could right a book and teach a lot of people, that is for sure. Like you have the time for that, right, lol!
I love Parker so much and this little guy has taught me more than so many other people with degrees! And you have taught me so much as a mother.
I love you all,
Tammy,
I saw your post at Fiddledeedee’s about home educating children with special needs. I have four children. Two have disabilities. One was medically fragile. While I don’t blog about this, I am available questions or conversation.
When we went to the temple to have my sister Jenny sealed to us ( she is adopted and has downs)we were treated like royalty and told that these children are so beloved that the families that have them and love them are assured a place in heaven.
I read this poem the other day and it fits what you are saying.
The Brave Little Soul
By John Alessi
Not too long ago in Heaven, there was a little soul who took wonder in observing the world. He especially enjoyed the love he saw there and often expressed this joy with God. One day, however, the little soul was sad, for on this day he saw suffering in the world. He approached God and sadly asked, “Why do bad things happen; why is there suffering in the world?â€Â
God paused for a moment and replied, “Little soul, do not be sad, for the suffering you see, unlocks the love in people’s hearts.†The little soul was confused. “What do you mean?â€Â, he asked. God replied, “Have you not noticed the goodness and love that is the offspring of that suffering? Look at how people come together, drop their differences and show their love and compassion for those who suffer. All their other motivations disappear and they become motivated by love alone.â€Â
The little soul began to understand and listened at tentively as God continued, “The suffering soul unlocks the love in people’s hearts much like the sun and the rain unlock the flower within the seed. I created everyone with endless love in their hearts, but unfortunately most people keep it locked up and hardly share it with anyone. They are afraid to let their love shine freely, because they are afraid of being hurt. But a suffering soul unlocks that love. I tell you this – it is the greatest miracle of all. Many souls have bravely chosen to go into the world and suffer – to unlock this love – to create this miracle – for the good of all humanity.â€Â
Just then the little soul got a wonderful idea and could hardly contain himself. With his wings fluttering, bouncing up and down, the little soul excitedly replied, “I am brave; let me go! I would like to go into the world and suffer so that I can unlock the goodness and love in people’s hearts! I want to create that miracle!â€Â
God smiled and said, “You are a brave soul I know, and thus I will grant your request. But even though you are very brave you will not be able to do this alone. I have known since the beginning of time that you would ask for this and so I have carefully selected many souls to care for you on your journey. Those souls will help you create your miracle; however they will also share in your suffering. Two of these souls are most special and will care for you, help you, and suffer along with you, far beyond the others. They have already chosen a name for you.â€Â
God and the brave little soul shared a smile, and then embraced. In parting, God said, “Do not forget little soul that I will be with you always. Although you have agreed to bear the pain, you will do so through my strength. And if the time should come when you feel that you have suffered enough, just say the word, think the thought, and you will be healed.â€Â
Thus at that moment the brave little soul was born into the world, and through his suffering and God’s strength, he unlocked the goodness and love in people’s hearts. For so many people dropped their differences and came together to show their love. Priorities became properly aligned. People gave from their hearts. Those that were always too busy found time. Many began new spiritual journeys – some regained lost faith – many came back to God. Parents hugged their children tighter. Friends and family grew closer. Old friends got together and new friendships were made. Distant family reunited, and every family spent more time together. Everyone prayed. Peace and love reigned. Love changed forever. It was good. The world was a better place. The miracle had happened. God was pleased…
oh Tammy that was so beautifully written…if only the people who NEED to read that could read it!
thats so wonderfully written tammy!! I wish everyone on this earth could some way or some how have a relatioship with a person with DS… they are missing alot if they dont!!!
Wow! And you ARE blessed!
thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings you put so beautifully.
Amen!
Hi Tammy and Parker’s dear family,
I just opened Parker’s website because my son, Hayden asked me yesterday if I knew what happened to the boy that was in the room next to Storey. So I showed him the photos of parker and Hayden is keeping Parker in his thoughts. I feel so blessed to have had Storey as a daughter and feel the same joy and love as you described in your letter. My mother in law always said how lucky you are if you spend all your life and you have healthy kids. I saw you’re unlucky if you have perfect healthy kids. I am a better person now I just wish I realized more of Storey’s gifts earlier in her life as her life was cut too short. I’m glad you already know the secrets to hidden blessings. And Parker sure is that. I pray his keeps delivering more and grows to give more. Tammy, thanks for stating it soooooooooooo well.
Sending you love and prayers and FAITH, just like the wooden plaque you gave us.
Love and light
Sandee Mills
Very well said! You are truly blessed. I don’t have a child with downs syndrome, but 1 of my twins was born with a congenital heart defect. In the last 5 years she’s been through so much but she’s just as happy as can be. I’ve learned so much from her and gained so much strength from her. Before she was born I was one of those people that felt sorry for a mother with an “unperfect” child. Now I feel that she is perfect in her own way and I couldn’t imagine my life any other way.
Very nice
Beautifully written Tammy! Hopefully some of the people that don’t understand will read this
Tears here. So well put, Tammy. Be blessed. Oh wait, you ARE. And so are we. Loves…
You are so eloquent, Tammy. That was wonderfully expressed. Maybe this summer, we will be able to meet up at a park b/t here and you!!! Your family and Parker are always in our prayers.
I love reading your blog and updates about Parker. I go to church with a little girl who has Down syndrome and she is doing great. Her parents have never let it be a henderous to her or anyone that is around her. She is doing signing language and even teaches her older brother and younger sister. She is a blessing just like Parker is from God. It saddens me to hear of people aborting pregnancies because they did not get the perfect baby they envisioned. Your family is living proof what God can do when we are faced with challenges in life. My thoughts are with you but most of all my prayers are with you.
surely will join him in our prayers…nothing is impossible to God….
Tammy, Thank you for sharing your uncontional love, strength, confidence with all of us. You are such a beautiful person and your words today will and have touched some many people. I will never find the words to express how blessed I am to have found a friend like you. Prayers are with you and your family. Love & Hugs
What a wonderful post! I think you expressed it perfectly…
That was lovely, Tammy! Truly lovely. I feel many of the same things about what our family has been through. You are such an inspiration, and so is Parker. Keep up the good work, you two!
Tammy
I read your blog every day…..I don’t know you, Parker or your family but I just love little Parker. He is precious and very special and it warms my heart to read how you know his soul. My grandson is very delayed and we really don’t know what the future holds for him…..his medical problems are pale in comparison to what Parker has to endure but I feel as though I know his quiet little soul. God bless you and your family…..and that Parker, he’s just a wonderful little guy.
Wow, this is simply excellent! Spoken from the heart. Parker is indeed “wonderfully made” by God’s hand and God has his reasons to be sure. You are such a blessing. Have a wonderful day!
I like this. A lot! Thanks for it!
This is _exactly_ how I feel, too! Thank you for saying it so well!!!
Eloquently and lovingly said. It is as though you expressed my beliefs and emotions…thank you.
“And remember, first and foremost, Parker is a kid. Entrusted with a life plan uniquely his.
Just the way it was meant to be.”
And Amen.
You are so very right.