I’ve often said that we have been to busy just trying to keep the pulmonary hypertension from killing Parker to even have time to put too much thought into the extra chromosome.
I can work my butt off to make progress in the areas that the extra chromosome sets back.
It’s something I can work towards and see progress in.
For me the extra chromosome has been no big deal.
But the pulmonary hypertension has been more than I’m capable of handling.
Oh, I can give the meds, watch the sats, keep the g-becks on, and keep my Hero as healthy as I know how. But other than that, I’m helpless.
I’ve always been very honest on this blog. From medical bills, to my fear of losing Parker.
One of my biggest issues has been the ability to stay calm and have faith.
My faith wavers.
My anger grows.
My disappointment makes me physically sick.
I feel doubt.
And am lost in fear.
People often tell me how they don’t know how I do it all.
They don’t realize that I really don’t. That I do a lot of pretending.
I spend a lot of time pretending that if I just run faster, work harder that my will can be don’t.
I keep having to relearn the same lesson over and over because I keep flunking all the midterms.
Friday was a rough day. We received the news that Parker’s liver enzymes are elevated. Not life threatening elevated. But we’ve got to reduce one of his PH meds elevated.
I had a choice to make right then and there. I could have remembered all the miracles we’ve seen in Parker’s life so far and held tight to my faith.
Instead I reacted to this news with a release of stress hormones high enough to numb the right side of my face, blur my vision and throw my blood pressure into the stroke level and land me in the ER.
Diagnosis? Bells Palsy.
So, I’m back to square one.
Once again I need to come to the realization that it’s not about me.
That being a strong person isn’t enough.
It’s about the bigger picture that doesn’t end in this world, but continues into the next.
It’s about me completely trusting my Father in Heaven with Parker.
I know for some it sounds so ridiculously easy.
For me it’s has been my biggest stumbling block.
I seem to spend a lot of time here:
“How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?â€
When really I should be here:
So, I’ll pick myself up again, and with an eye that is sagging, and a mouth that has a will of it’s own, I’ll start from the beginning…..again.
Bells Palsy doesn’t last forever.
Here’s praying the stubborness of my heart won’t either.
I have also had to learn this lesson over and over. It is a good thing God gives redos. {{{Hugs}}}
Laurie Sweeney recently posted..Parents Are on a Spectrum- Too
Twitter: therextras
says:
Praying for Parker, and Tammy.
(I’m no good for the perfect quote to add.) Love is all I got. For you and for Parker.
Barbara recently posted..The Comics as Reference for Parenting – updated
Tammy, i have something I’d like to send you. Is there a way to get it to you? Something I desperately needed to hear, and something that will touch you deeply too I pray.
Email me and let me know
rdzomer @mtcnet.net
dawn
I love you and am praying.
As always, you remind me, teach me…
ox
melody recently posted..Simple Things
A few yrs ago I got Bells Palsey after getting the mumps. Yep a grandma with the mumps. B-12 sublingual does wonders for Bells palsey. I take 1 -2 x a day. Just let it melt under tougue.I take 2500 mg.Helps with reaccurances also.Hopes this helps.
carolCan get it over counter.
You are not alone! We are all praying for YOU and your family.
Paige recently posted..J is for Jenna
I pray for you and parker and your family alot. You are an inspiration to many people! I can’t even begin to imagine how strong you are but God does and he knows all. Bless you today with peace and joy!
Tammy – keeping you in our prayers! I have to remember this lesson all the time too. Our hearts and thoughts are with you! Let us know if there is anything we can do!
mum2brady recently posted..Sunday Grains of Gratitude
Oh Tammy, I’m sorry you are having to now deal with Bells Palsy on top of all you do for Parker and keeping him healthy! Praying this is very short lived and you’ll be feeling better soon!
Michelle recently posted..You Have To Let Go
Twitter: kdlavoie
says:
As others have noted, Tammy, you are not the only one with a stubborn heart. God has several lessons that He has taught me over…and over…and over…and I’m sure there will be a repeat here any minute now. He knows we’re just dust…and He knows what we need. I pray that you are recovering, allowing yourself some rest, and finding the peace and hope that you need for Parker’s latest challenge. God bless!
KDL recently posted..Sweet Memories