I have always been a pretty self sufficient kind of girl.
I could handle it on my own, thankyouverymuch.
Then came Parker.
For the first few years I kept up with my ‘do it all myself’ determination.
Until one day I realized it was killing me.
Seriously.
From the gray hair, to the weight gain, the stress of trying to to it myself was doing more harm than good.
I’m learning that there is more than one way to let people help.  Sometimes talking with somebody who not only gets it, but who has lived it and actually has a degree on how to help you through it, is needed.
And so I am now working with a therapist.
There was a time I’d be beyond embarrassed to let even my closest friend know this, much less the entire interwebs.
But one blessing that comes with having a medically fragile child with special needs is that you start to not care so much about what anybody else thinks.
I mean if I actually have the time to have a moment of free thought, I wanna make it a good one.
What are the topics discussed during this time with my friend with a therapy degree?
How to make it through a right heart cath without your whole entire world falling apart. And when I say entire world falling apart, I’m not kidding.
I don’t handle right heart caths…..and any bad news they may bring…..well.
Not well at all.
This is something I really need to get over. Because it’s been sucking the life out of this Mama.
And it’s time for it to stop.
I owe myself the blessing of working through this. And I owe it to the rest of my family. Most especially Parker.
I can do this.
With a little help from my therapist.
What is one of the best things you’ve ever done for yourself?
Once again you have given a gift to your readers. The gift of permission.
Permission to admit we’re not strong enough, we can’t handle it all, we can’t cope sometimes…and it’s ok!
We don’t have to be superwoman, we don’t have to handle the world all by ourselves, and we don’t have to be the strongest all the time.
Love you, love your blog, love your superhero!
Praying for you always.
Allowing myself to truly believe in the Atonement of our Savior Jesus Christ which allowed me to stop holding on to baggage, love myself, take care of myself, and it gave me real trust in God’s loving plan for me.
I often think of this, “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” I’m just realizing I can’t love my neighbor well unless I love myself well. In this household things go better for everyone when I invest a little time in myself.
P.S. I see a therapist too.
Great post! The thing I’ve recently (2 months ago) done for myself was stop wishing and trying to be an early morning person…something I’ve done for years…the wishing and trying. Some of my friends get up at 5am and LOVE it. My husband and older boys milk cows early in the morning. I’m in bed. When Joey was born 5 years ago it took a toll on my health too. I was sharing my “wish” to my naturopath and he actually quoted a bible verse about “it is not wise to compare yourself to others”. He told me that if I’ve never been a morning person I most likely will never be plus my health and body need the sleep. Now I no longer feel quilty pushing the snooze button if I’m not ready to get up. It’s like my first “dose of vitamins” even before I get out of bed.
Just this past week I let my twin sister see how our life really is. She came from out of town to stay with my 2 younger kids while I was in the hospital with oldest who was having surgery. My house was a disaster, we ate out too much. She took care of what she could. It was a plus having her when the youngest (with autism) got sick and step-mom went into the hospital.
I know I need to do the therapy thing — but finding time is a big thing.
I can relate to your words; I too felt that I had to do it all, or I was failing; I had to be able to cope with the uncertainty of caring for a child in palliative care. Recently I have been having some counselling, and the opportunity to talk through the ups and downs of each week are helping me cope better, be nicer to myself, and in turn, to give more freely of my time and energy, while allowing myself to take time out. God bless.
I miss therapy. I had a therapist from the early intervention program before Sadie turned 3, and since then haven’t seen one. Though I’ve learned over the last 5 years to accept help when I absolutely have nothing left in me, I still struggle. I’m very stubborn about being self-sufficient, strong, and not be dependent on anyway.
I don’t know how you would ever be able to hold it completely together or “get used to” the caths. It’s our nature as mothers, caretakers, etc., to worry and lose control when things are out of our control. At least, that’s how things are for me.
Thanks for sharing today. It helps when those who understand the feelings, the panic, the stress, the worry, and coping issues share, as you have done today. It’s nice to know we aren’t alone in this thing called life. ((( Hugs )))
I am a HUGE fan of therapists. I think we get told the self sufficiency thing SO much that we think it’s weak to accept therapy. It’s not weak. It’s brave because change and growth is HARD, and that’s what therapy gives you.
So you go, girl. But just know, it will be hard sometimes, but seriously, so good for you. Kind of like exercise.
When Sofia was a newborn, one of the bazillion books I read was “More Than a Mom: Living a Full And Balanced Life When Your Child Has Special Needs”. This one made a huge impact on my life, because it was full of that kind of permission.
Permission to whine.
Permission to take care of myself – physically and mentally. Permission to still have my own life, above and beyond taking care of my children.
Should be required reading for Special Needs families!
Most important message was that if Mama falls apart, there is (generally) no one to take care of these special kids – AS WELL AS WE DO – and our own guilt/supermom complexes should then motivate us to care for ourselves too!
I’m so proud of you Tammy! For telling the whole world how you deal with stress. We were just talking about how different people handle different levels of stress. I had someone whine to me about a hospital stay that was three days! And how her child screamed all day and how how horrible it was. I was just thinking, thats nothing, a typical hospital day for us is doctors coming up and talking about sending him to PICU. A typical day is Jax trying to code on us. I really have to step back sometimes and just enjoy life!